Yesterday was a good day for many reasons that don’t include the shitty weather outside. It was the birthday of one of my friends that I hardly see but always think about. A beautiful person that has filled me with security and laughs that my life at one point lacked. Unknowingly she has offered a silent support to everything I have said and done, good and bad, angelic and evil. These friends are hard to find and I wish I had the same type of friendship to offer in return but I always have to say something about everything. Another birthday that we spend apart; these days were unimaginable a few years back, but they’re here and I’m looking forward to the many birthdays we’ll spend when all of our shit gets together. Yesterday also marked a new journey for a close friend that has become family, my sister. She started a new job that offers her so much she hasn’t expected. Aside from the pay she was welcomed with open arms and a room full of unlimited food for her daily intake. Her days of wearing work boots are temporarily over and she can be a girl again. Some girls will always be girlie and delicate but for those of us who have worked in the field of men appreciate what it is to feel like a woman and we have become more than just delicate; we’ve become untouchable. I’m overly proud of this and of her and hope that this is the first step of many in a successful journey.
I used to live in a beautiful house I once dreamt of getting married in but my parents sold it and I always told myself that I’d buy it back one day. A very random text was also received yesterday of an old friend asking me about that particular house because it was on the market. At the moment I just answered the questions he had about it and wished him good luck with it and carried on with my errands. Later on I was reminded of this text when my dad handed me some poorly drawn plans of a new deck installation for a job he was working on. I kept thinking about so many memories of my friends, especially the ones mentioned above, that I believe my next big goal is to figure out how to either buy my house back or buy one that will be a home to all my loved ones. A place they can count on to always gather at any time, any moment, a safe house that they can call their own. As much as I don’t ever expect nor want anything in return when I invest my time in helping my loved ones I don’t feel accomplished afterwords. I feel like something is missing, I try to give back after all the love and support they’ve provided me with throughout my life and it seems like my helping hand isn’t enough. Having a space that will bring us together and give everyone the comfort of feeling secure would be an accomplishment. A little over a year ago that was my plan, buying a house, but the plans changed and you know how I feel about unfinished business. It’s taken some time for it to hit me probably because I’ve used this time to find myself but it’s time to get back on track.
On Sunday a mutual friend said something to my boyfriend that hit me and woke me up a little bit: “Get your shit together”. Later on that night another friend of mine must’ve sensed something was wrong and reminded me that I’m the motivator to everyone and all I could think to myself was: “so why am I so unmotivated lately?” I had a sleepless night thinking about this and concluded that I’m releasing too much energy in helping those I prioritize and I’m forgetting that I need some to help me work as well. I realized that as much as I may not be sitting on my ass all day doesn’t necessarily mean I’m working much for myself either and it’s putting me in the lazy category. Coincidentally, I visited my grandma yesterday and my little cousin showed me a picture of a fortune she had take that reminded me that I had saved one to! A messaged I had ignored and came home to find it.
“Hard work pay off in the future, laziness pays off now.”